Thursday, March 17, 2011

Hot Shirtless Men in Cages Welcome You to the OSR


Forget hot elf chicks. I tend to agree with Zak that we already have enough (straight) guys in the OSR as it is. Besides, everyone knows that when it comes to sex, nothing says "old school" like bondage. And nothing says "bondage" like classic Trek!

More pics of Shatner (sadly, not always shirtless and/or in handcuffs) can be found at the ever-excellent Jeff's Gameblog. Be sure to stay for the random tables, including the Triple Secret Random Dungeon Fate Chart of Very Probable Doom and the classic Carousing Mishaps table.

No cages this time, but there is a giant snake! The two best things about old school D&D, both in one picture. If you want more of this kind of classic, pulp and Frank Frazetta-inspired goodness in your gaming, you can't go wrong with old school.

For more information about the pulp fantasy roots of D&D, including the parts of the genre it emulates besides giant snakes and slavepits, be sure to check out Grognardia. Though, frankly, if you've got giant snakes and slave pits, what more could you ask for?

Classic old school Erol Otus bondage! Foul enchantresses! Fates worse than death!

Of course, these days the best work being done along these lines can be found in the fine publications of Lamentations of the Flame Princess. Make sure to check out Weird Fantasy Roleplaying, LotFP's house system, if you're looking for a new spin on the old rules. For those of you who are more about painful and gruesome than cages, per se, LotFP also publishes a really excellent collection of nasty adventures compatible with Swords & Wizardry, Labyrinth Lord, and pretty much anything else D&D-derived.

Finally! I promised you cages, so here you are with cages. Containing none other than Graz'zt, the demon prince of sex. Wait, no. That's not right. There's no sex in D&D. Nope. (A 3.x-era Anne Stokes piece, but really, how much more old school can you get that Graz'zt? Lost Caverns of Tsojcanth, people.)

Unless you're Playing D&D with Pornstars, (NSFW) like Zak Sabbath, who here in the OSR basically is the demon prince of sex, as well as the demon prince of art, cool hair, and sweet city maps.

Last but not least, some slavegirls in chains for those of you who'd rather see hot chicks in cages than hot shirtless guys.

For more information about using slavegirls (and guys) in your games, your best bet is probably Trollsmyth. It's also the best place for horrifying giant spiders, so if he tries to recruit you for his online Labyrinth Lord game, don't believe a word he says otherwise.

8 comments:

  1. Heteronormative values are so blasé. Good on you for trying to glance against them.

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  2. Hey! You're totally harshing the nice Stinky Lockerroom Banter vibe we had going on around here! How will anyone know we're just as enlightened as the fratboys down the street if we don't spend all our time drooling over pictures of chicks with pointy ears?

    (But more seriously, that spider in the loincloth is CREEPING. ME. OUT.)

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  3. It took me a while to find an appropriate image, but I couldn't quite resist taking the piss regarding this 'hot elf chick' nonsense:

    http://knightsky-alienshores.blogspot.com/2011/03/ive-got-your-hot-elf-chick-right-here.html

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  4. Fake Hot Chicks or Fake Hot Guys might not attract as much attention as the promise of something for practically nothing, at least if my very crude experiment is any indication.

    Word Verification: Trizar. Sounds very Star Trek to me.

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  5. Who doesn't like equal opportunity bondage?
    : )

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  6. If "old school = bondage", count the number of times Doctor Who and his companions got tied up back in the classic era, particularly the early black & white episodes!

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  7. Bah! Dr. Who's a lightweight compared to '60s Batman and Robin. ;D

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  8. Re: spider in the loincloth

    So I says to Trollsmyth, I says, "Hey, got any pictures of chicks in cages for me? That seems like the kind of thing you'd be into."

    And he gives me this.

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